I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
