i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
