we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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