you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
