is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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