dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
