you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You are a genius and a whore.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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