I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's rum buckets o'clock
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize