Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
