I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
