i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
