Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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