Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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