i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize