Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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