its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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