Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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