It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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