Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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