don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
