Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
