wanna go halves on a baby?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today