You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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