I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!