Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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