I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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