I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
