I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
