Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
