this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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