I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
