it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
