You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize