I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
