Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
