i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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