and next time when you feel me up, do it right
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
