If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
