Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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