Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize