I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
