you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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