Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
