you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
