would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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