you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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