im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
