i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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