he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
