just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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