The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
