Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
