i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
