Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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