he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drunk walkin through police station. America
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
