I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
