all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I touched a dick in church today
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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