Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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