Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
